big empty nothing

tonight was the end of year party for my residence. i went to the pub with them for about an hour, i had one drink, and i couldn't take any more. i just didn't feel like being there. some girl was asking me questions and i think i made her angry, she said , "do you not want to talk about this??" and i just said, "no its ok." and she said "well its just that this is like pulling teeth" and i said, "ok". and ten minutes later i got the hell out of there and came to the library to go on a computer. i definitely don't belong at university of toronto. i feel tired and empty right now, i think it is probably just exhaustion from carrying all my stuff home, but i'm not sure. so ends my quest for knowledge. tomorrow night i'm supposed to be going out to some sort of goth club, called the savage garden. because i am goth. i think that i am going to always be wandering aimlessly through life with no ambitions and fuzzy emotions and wanting things that i no longer want once i've got them. till i stop wanting things altogether. i must remember to call luca and tell him he left his umbrella at my apartment. am i the same person i was when i got here?