read my email!

why am i still awake? i have no idea. but i can't sleep now. i am going to make myself some pancakes in a few minutes. i thought it would make for a funny entry if i shared some email ive received in the past. i'll leave names and email addresses out though.

heres one from today :

Hey,

So yeah your on MOC, I'm on MOC (username : xxxxxxxxx), so it was only invetiable till I emailed you right? hmmm, no...er...ah...ok. Anyways, so I saw your wrote the word interface (as you can see I'm really reaching for material right now!) - yeah that's a pretty cool word. Damn, I'm a nerd - I really gotta stop trying to impress people with my vast intellect and wit. Yeah this one time I wrtoe this screen play called good will hunting and then got gus van sant to direct it and it starred robin williams - it was awesome - I won an oscar. Wait, was that me or some one else - hmmm, damn now I forget.

Ok, really tha's about the lamest email in the world but I just wanted to say "wie gehts" (that's whats up in german), and yeah, that's aboutit. Later. Oh, you can email me back but you don't have to - later.

wie geht's?? i'm so confused!!!

edeath,

Any friend of Disinfo.net is a friend of mine. Your journal absolutely kicks my ass. I tried keeping one once, but I can only translate the weirdness of everyday life in comic form. You seem to do it effortlessly. Keep it up, sister. Oh, and you have the sweetest frown I have ever seen.

yeah that is kind of weird.

My name is d. I go to school at ryerson. I am twenty years old. I like body piercing, love and matt sharp. I listen to the rentals, converge, the sea and cake and sterolab. I like movies and fine dining. I like wine and my mom. I am looking for a relationship, not too serious but very loving and intimate. I think your cute.

i wrote back to that one but i never got a response :( aw

this next one takes the cake. this guy wrote me some long rambling dorky email and my boyfriend took the liberty of responding to it for me, i think what we sent was something like, "yes i would love to spend time with you and your hard cock, send me a picture of your penis. i like blood." etc etc

Uh. I got your message first thing in the morning the day you sent it, and it has taken me until now to reply. The delay is a result of several reasons. First, I laughed so hard I had to go upstairs to lie down because I was dizzy. Then I was looking for a suitable picture to send to you, but I couldn't find one. And then I was looking for a cucumber to stick in my pants so I could take a picture of that. But my mom said we didn't have any cucumbers lying around, and when she asked me why I needed one, I had to make up some excuse about having to do some research on turger pressure and I'm not too good at lying so I'm sure she didn't believe me, but I'm also pretty sure she doesn't know I was planning to stick it into my pants and take a picture of it so that I could send it to some girl over the Internet who is either really horny and in want of meeting strangers over the Internet solely for the purpose of initiating sexual relations or has a very good sense of humour. So then I began thinking to myself that you and your friends are having a good laugh at what you wrote back to me, and are eagerly awaiting a response with an enclosed picture of a penis. I mean, who responds to someone who hasn't implied that he wants to have sexual relations with you with 'I would love to spend some time with you, and your hard cock'? That must be a joke, right?--So that was what I was thinking. So you must not think highly of guys, then, if you think that just because a guy writes to you it means he wants for you to suck his penis. But then it's not a joke anymore, so I don't know what to think, and it's all very confusing and taking up far too much mental energy than it is worthy of. Well, even now I don't know what to make of it. I'd like to meet you still, of course, but I don't know if I'm ready to expose my genital region for examination. But now it might sound like I have something to hide, which isn't the case. Wait, of course it is, I mean, it's not like I walk around showing people my penis everyday. Is that normal? I don't know. But then, it's not like I care very much about that stuff. I mean, I can show you if you really want to see it. But I mean, you win right? This could be a joke, and you just got me to say that I'm willing to show you my penis. Well, don't gloat to your friends just yet, saying I will is not the same as me doing it; I could be jerking you around too. As I say, I'd still like to get to know you and I hope you won't be disappointed if I prefer to get to know you before I commit to giving you a picture of myself naked, if you are serious about all of this. And in conclusion, I don't know what to do,

except to wait for further instruction.