i found where my fate lies

i am having some unfounded feelings of depression lately. going out places seems less fun. alcohol is less fun. etc. it will pass, i am sure. maybe if i dont go anywhere for a while, the fun will come back. dolphin patrol is going to practice again this thursday, its a good thing.

you know how there are those girls who always look good? i wish i was one of those girls who knows how to put on makeup and style their hair and wear clothes that fit them and just look nice nice all the time. they are precise and straight like arrows and i am the cereal from the bottom of the box that is all broken and comes out with lots of cereal dust that turns the milk brown. you know?

and i keep having fucked up, fucked up dreams. one i am in a small cement walled and floored room with no windows and and old man is on a chair in the corner and he is dying and he's wheezing out my name in a desperate way. one i am raped in the navel? it is hard to explain. and the dreams about pigs are back. a year ago or so i had a rash of dreams about pigs and now they are replaying themselves. one i am walking through a field strewn with the carcasses of large pigs and the stench is horrible, one i am immoble in a floor in a bright white sanitized hospital/factory like place and a woman is killing pigs but their heads are still alive when she cuts them off, and she stacks them next to me and feeds them apples. and one where a man is eaten by pigs. pigs pigs pigs. i wonder what it all means.

and i got a funny referral.

someone searching on aol for "sex itch"