long winded stranger

before I go to sleep I think it is nice if I update my diary. My fish, ruth, seems to be doing well. we have developed an understanding of one another. I hope soon we will be able to communicate more openly. I often feel as though he is holding back. I got AOL instant messenger again but I don't think I will use it much. I always end up with too many people I want to avoid on there and I have to change my screen name. you know what, I'm not even going to post my screen name on here. screw you people. you suck. sign my guestbook.

tomorrow night I am going to go see the weekend with shaun, and we're going to get drunk. i really want to get drunk. i think i deserve it. finally i am off the codeine. i haven't had a drink in a long time. it will be fun. then we're going to go to some club thing called evil genius that is supposed to be fantastic. i hope that it doesn't disappoint me. in any case i will be drunk and I probably won't care.

it is raining out and all of yesterday's snow has turned into slush. I haven't gone to many classes this week. I will have to go back next week. it will be hard to do. I don't want to go back. I wish I wasn't in school. maybe it is not the right thing for me. oh well. who cares. I am stuck here for now. but while I was sick i got to thinking, what if I only had a few years to live? i know I wouldn't waste my time in university. I would be out doing the things I really want to do. why am i preparing for the future? fuck the future, the future sucks. in the future i will be boring and old and normal and i will be bitter and sad and all my youthfull creativity and idealism will have been sucked out of me by the trials of life and the education system. maybe thats why i'm so depressed. i need to shut up soon. i just got an email from some makeout club dude. not a real email, just something about how i couldnt take him in a fight. i think he is dann gallucci in disguise. ivan why do you hate me so? i cry.